Saturday, January 6, 2007
Back in the hospital
Kelly was admitted to the hospital yesterday after she spiked a fever. Even though her fever was very brief and hasn't returned since, she will be in the hospital for at least 48 hours. It is probably the best place for her to be right now anyway as her counts have dropped significantly and her immunity level is very, very low.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Why?
I'm sure this is a question many have been asking lately.
Why Kelly?
Why again?
Why now?
Why is their so much pain?
Why do bad things have to happen?
I've asked it before and realized that time gradually unfolds a few answers here and there, but ultimately, many questions are often left unanswered.
This time around, the question of "Why?" has been far from my mind. I think a huge part of it is motherhood. It is sanctifying, difficult, joyous and refining work that has helped me grasp and better understand certain characteristics of God, the only One who can answer this burning question.
See, Gavin has been so sick this week with a cold. It pains me to see him restless and uncomfortable, and all I really want is for him to let me help him, comfort him. heal him. I don't want him to question why he should eat his vegetables or why I'm giving him Tylenol or why he needs a nap to feel better. I just want him to trust me. If he fights me and questions me, will we get anywhere? Isn't it so much better if he relaxes into the warmth of my arms and allows me to care for him as only a mother can?
So is our relationship with our great Father. Should we question why? Even if we were to conjure up some answer, we would be reaching for much we do not know of. I think it is right to ask the Lord to show us why in some ways...or maybe, more correctly, how...How we can glorify Him more, how we can learn from this, how we can grow closer to one another and Him.
I once heard that self-pity is demonic. That statement makes me chuckle because as such an artistic spirit, I love introspection and navel-gazing - it makes for great songwriting, that's for sure! But as I come to know the Lord more as my Savior and friend, I realize that he doesn't want me to feel sorry for myself or in sorrow and despair cry out "Why me?"
No, I think he wants me to trust him, to take in each day and each lesson and to serve and love and praise Him in everything, knowing through it all, I am in his care.
He wants to heal me.
And He wants me to relax in the warmth of his arms and allow Him to care for me as only a Father can.
Love,
Marcy
Why Kelly?
Why again?
Why now?
Why is their so much pain?
Why do bad things have to happen?
I've asked it before and realized that time gradually unfolds a few answers here and there, but ultimately, many questions are often left unanswered.
This time around, the question of "Why?" has been far from my mind. I think a huge part of it is motherhood. It is sanctifying, difficult, joyous and refining work that has helped me grasp and better understand certain characteristics of God, the only One who can answer this burning question.
See, Gavin has been so sick this week with a cold. It pains me to see him restless and uncomfortable, and all I really want is for him to let me help him, comfort him. heal him. I don't want him to question why he should eat his vegetables or why I'm giving him Tylenol or why he needs a nap to feel better. I just want him to trust me. If he fights me and questions me, will we get anywhere? Isn't it so much better if he relaxes into the warmth of my arms and allows me to care for him as only a mother can?
So is our relationship with our great Father. Should we question why? Even if we were to conjure up some answer, we would be reaching for much we do not know of. I think it is right to ask the Lord to show us why in some ways...or maybe, more correctly, how...How we can glorify Him more, how we can learn from this, how we can grow closer to one another and Him.
I once heard that self-pity is demonic. That statement makes me chuckle because as such an artistic spirit, I love introspection and navel-gazing - it makes for great songwriting, that's for sure! But as I come to know the Lord more as my Savior and friend, I realize that he doesn't want me to feel sorry for myself or in sorrow and despair cry out "Why me?"
No, I think he wants me to trust him, to take in each day and each lesson and to serve and love and praise Him in everything, knowing through it all, I am in his care.
He wants to heal me.
And He wants me to relax in the warmth of his arms and allow Him to care for me as only a Father can.
Love,
Marcy
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Out of the hospital
Kelly was released from the hospital last Friday evening. She has daily blood-draws to monitor her counts, which has proven to be frustrating for everyone since the clinic can take much longer than expected. They have all been quickly reminded to never schedule anything for after a clinic appointment because it will probably have to be cancelled!
My heart breaks for them. It is so different for me (Marcy) this time because I am at home, with my husband and son, in my own cozy house with my own bed and my friends surrounding me. So much is still quite normal.
I know the heartache of leaving all that you know behind because this is far from the first time this has happened. and I grieve deeply for my family, especially my sisters as they miss precious and irreplaceable time in school with their friends. For Kelly, the sadness of missing senior prom (she already had a beautiful dress), music festival, youth group, graduation and all that goes with it. And for Molly and Rose - I hear the boredom and longing in their voices to have their friends, pets, home and regular routine back.
Kelly started chemo about a week ago and seems to be responding well. She is very tired of course. This cycle will go on for something like 36 days and then they will begin another similar cycle. Once these two are completed and they feel her body is in satisfactory condition, it sounds as if they may evaluate doing another stem cell transplant. It's still so up in the air.
My heart breaks for them. It is so different for me (Marcy) this time because I am at home, with my husband and son, in my own cozy house with my own bed and my friends surrounding me. So much is still quite normal.
I know the heartache of leaving all that you know behind because this is far from the first time this has happened. and I grieve deeply for my family, especially my sisters as they miss precious and irreplaceable time in school with their friends. For Kelly, the sadness of missing senior prom (she already had a beautiful dress), music festival, youth group, graduation and all that goes with it. And for Molly and Rose - I hear the boredom and longing in their voices to have their friends, pets, home and regular routine back.
Kelly started chemo about a week ago and seems to be responding well. She is very tired of course. This cycle will go on for something like 36 days and then they will begin another similar cycle. Once these two are completed and they feel her body is in satisfactory condition, it sounds as if they may evaluate doing another stem cell transplant. It's still so up in the air.
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